Navigating holidays after divorce can be emotionally complex for parents and children alike. But should divorced parents spend holidays together? Many families face the question of whether to spend holidays together as divorced co-parents, and the answer largely depends on the dynamics between the parents.
For some, spending time together during these special occasions provides a sense of normalcy for their children, offering stability and continuity. However, for others, the emotional strain and unresolved conflicts may make joint celebrations more harmful than helpful.
The decision requires careful consideration of what's best for the children and what both parents can handle emotionally. Should co-parents spend time together, especially during the holidays? While there can be benefits, such as reduced stress for the kids and improved co-parenting relationships, there are also challenges like resurfacing conflicts and blurred boundaries. Understanding these nuances is crucial to making the right decision for you and your family.
Benefits of Spending Holidays Together After Divorce
Deciding to spend the holidays together as divorced parents can offer numerous advantages for the emotional well-being of your children. By prioritizing the kids during these celebrations, you provide a sense of unity and continuity, which can ease the pain of separation.
The following are some specific benefits divorced parents may experience by choosing to celebrate holidays together.
Sense of Normalcy and Continuity
Shared celebrations create a familiar and stable environment for your children during what might otherwise feel like a turbulent time. This consistency helps reassure them that while their parents no longer live together, they can still experience important family moments with both parents present.
Reduces Stress for Children
When children see their parents cooperating and celebrating together, it can significantly lower their stress levels. Witnessing positive interactions between divorced parents reinforces the idea that both are still there for them, making the holidays a less anxious experience.
Encourages Cooperative Parenting
Holidays are an opportunity for parents to show their children that they can work together peacefully. This sets a powerful example of cooperative co-parenting, which can extend beyond holidays and improve communication and decision-making throughout the year.
Smooths Transitions Between Households
Spending holidays together after divorce can make the shift between homes smoother for children, who might otherwise feel torn between two parents. When parents share holiday time, it reduces the emotional impact of the transition and helps children feel more at ease.
Strengthens Family Bonds
Celebrating together, even after divorce, gives children the gift of shared memories with both parents. These positive experiences can foster stronger family bonds, showing children that their parents still prioritize them, even if they live separately.
In this episode, Dr. Don gives some helpful tips for navigating the holidays as co-parents.
Drawbacks of Spending Holidays Together
While the idea of shared holidays after divorce can be appealing, it’s important to consider the potential challenges that may arise. For some families, the emotional toll or lingering conflicts from the divorce can overshadow the benefits of being together, making it more difficult to create a positive environment for the children. The following are some potential drawbacks.
Resurfacing Conflicts
Old emotional wounds and unresolved disagreements can easily resurface when divorced parents spend time together. These negative interactions can create tension and strain the atmosphere, which children are likely to pick up on. It’s crucial to keep conflicts in check or avoid situations where they might arise.
Blurring Boundaries
Spending time together post-divorce can blur the boundaries between the former marital relationship and the current co-parenting arrangement. This confusion can be harmful for both parents and children, who may misinterpret these gatherings as a sign of reconciliation.
Confusing the Child
Children may struggle to understand the nature of their parents' relationship if they spend holidays together. They could misinterpret these interactions as a sign that their parents are reuniting, which may cause confusion or false hope.
Parenting Plan Disruptions
Frequent interactions during shared holidays might lead to deviations from the established parenting schedule or custody agreements. Over time, this could complicate co-parenting arrangements, creating confusion or tension around expectations.
Emotional Strain for Parents
Even if parents get along well enough to be around each other, being in such close proximity during emotionally charged moments like holidays can reignite unresolved emotions. This can place an unnecessary strain on both parents, making it harder to stay positive and focused on the children.
How to Split Holidays with Divorced Parents
Once you've decided whether to spend the holidays together or separately, the next big challenge is how to fairly and smoothly divide holiday time with your children. Establishing a clear holiday schedule as part of your parenting plan can alleviate a lot of stress and prevent confusion.
It’s crucial to prioritize what works best for your children while ensuring both parents have quality time with them. Here are some practical ways to split holidays after divorce.
Alternate Holidays Annually
One of the most common solutions is alternating holidays. For example, one parent may have the children for Thanksgiving one year, while the other parent has them for Christmas, then switch the following year. This ensures that both parents get to spend significant holidays with their children.
Split the Day
Some families find it works best to split holidays like Christmas or Thanksgiving by dividing the day between parents. This can allow children to spend part of the day with each parent, although it requires good coordination and flexibility to avoid stressing the kids with excessive travel.
Double Celebrations
If dividing a specific holiday feels too complex, consider creating a "second" holiday. For instance, one parent can celebrate Christmas Eve while the other celebrates Christmas Day. This way, children get to enjoy two special days without feeling rushed between households.
Geographic Considerations
If parents live far apart, alternating holidays by year can be more practical. Trying to split days or weekends may not be feasible due to travel demands. In this case, it’s important to plan holidays in advance and ensure children are comfortable with the arrangements.
Incorporate New Traditions
It’s important to create new traditions that work for your family’s unique situation. Whether it's a specific breakfast on the morning of a holiday or a particular game played in the evening, new traditions help children feel grounded and can reduce any sadness about the old family structure.
Communication with your co-parent is key when making decisions about how to split holidays. Early planning and maintaining flexibility will help avoid unnecessary conflict, keeping the focus on what truly matters—your children’s happiness.
Feelings of Loss
When you are dealing with a divorce, it's normal to experience feelings of loss. This is especially true during the holidays.
FAQs About Co-Parenting During the Holidays After A Divorce
Co-parenting after a divorce is challenging at any time, but especially so during the holidays. We have answered a few of the most common questions we hear below.
Keeping the children’s needs as the priority is the best way to minimize their stress during the holidays. Encourage your child to express their feelings about the holidays and be flexible with arrangements to accommodate their needs. Sharing the holidays, even when it’s "your time," and letting the child see their other parent during special occasions can help them feel supported.
More To Discover
*Included in SAMHSA's National Registry of Evidence-Based Programs and Practices
© 2025 The Center for Divorce Education